Midlife Crisis

MIDLIFE CRISIS 

 

Most of us have heard this term called ‘midlife crisis’. This term was coined  by a psychologist named Elliot Jaques in the 1965. A Midlife Crisis may be defined as a transition of identity and self-confidence that can occur in middle-agedindividuals, typically 45 to 55 years old. It can be a period of shift in identity, self confidence and perception of realitywhich is triggered by many factors. Individuals in this age group may experience the feelings of remorse, intense depression, high levels of anxiety, and/or the desire to achieve youthfulness, due to underlying fear of loss of youth, lack of accomplishments and realisation of inevitable mortality.

 

What is it about

Midlife crisis is not a proven or well-defined phenomena,neither does it have a clear cut  age bracket; this emotional crisis may be experienced by many from their early 40s to mid 60s. Many psychologists refrain from calling it a crisis as it happens in almost everyone’s life. Rather they feel - it has determining factors like personality type, early childhood experiences and cultural conditionings. It can also be a time to re-evaluate life for many people. Things which were most important at one point of time suddenly start to look meaningless, catalysing the search for real meaning of life.Trying to find one's role and  place in the overall scheme of life becomes the central theme for many. It can trigger major lifestyle changes where some start striving for a new identity by exploring their inner calling while some others may start to succumb to mental and emotional health problems.  

Erikson characterized midlife as involving a psychosocial crisis of 'generativity v. self-absorption and stagnation'. The term 'generativity' was coined by Erikson in 1950 to denote 'a concern for establishing and guiding the next generation'. It basically refers to 'making your mark' on the world by caring for others as well as creating and accomplishing things that make the world a better place. 'Stagnation' refers to the failure to find a way to contribute. These individuals may feel disconnected or uninvolved with their community and with society as a whole; and may become 'self-absorbed' and/or bitter.

Common Mental and Emotional Health Issues

According to a study by Wills and Marin (2005), depressionis most widely studied problem in mid-age. Other commonly experienced problems are the onset of dementia, anxiety, impulsiveness, psychological distress, mood swings, existential crisis, obsession with appearances, loss of self confidence/self-worth, increased consumption of alcoholand even substance abuse in some cases. American psychological association anticipates that the number of older adults with mental and behavioural health issues will almost quadruple from four millions in 1970 to 15 million in 2030.

 

Stressors

Life is a roller coaster ride of ups and downs, punctuated with a host of emotional crises; then why are the problems faced in middle age most talked about in the name of 'midlife crisis'?Well, it may be due to the commonalities seen particularly related to this period of life. It is a time when men and women go through fast pacing changes in their bodies as well as in life situations, and often experience multiple stressors because of their simultaneous roles as spouses, parents, employees, and caretakers for elderly parents. Many people experience major life events, such as the death of a loved one, or a career setback during their middle age. 

Mid-life crisis can affect men and women differently because their stressors are different.  At physical levels - women start to experience decline in their beauty and go through menopause and men start feeling the drop in their vitality due to the process of ageing along with other age related ailments.These are important factors for giving many of us our sense of self-worth. When people are faced with the loss of control over these factors, it makes them feel inadequate and they start losing confidence. Mind and body being inter connected entities affect each other when either of it is going through a decline. When body shows signs of wear and tear, it does create psychological pressure and the psychological pressures, in turn, play their toll over the physical fitness levels, creating a vicious downward spiral. This is the reason many people become obsessive fitness freaks at this age, while some loose complete interest in their physical appearance.

 

The Underlying Psychology

Human beings are much more than just physical bodies. Inside them, they tend to have another psychological dimension called 'self' which is more dominant than the physical one. All the endeavourers made by humans aim at creating a satisfied and happy self. Once the basic needs and comforts are taken care of, the process of creating and maintaining a happy self becomes more complex, with focus shifting to success in fulfilling higher needs. Materialistic success is just one major part. Achievement, power, fame, validation and admiration are other higher order deciding factors of one’s success. Based on various levels of needs, people decide their life goals which they aim to achieve by this age. When they fail to accomplish those goals, they start to question their own decisions and capabilities. This creates the feelings of worthlessness and regret.

Relationships also play a major role in our emotional well being. Midlife is the time when one has maximum responsibilities in terms of relationships. On one hand, the children are almost grown up and  start creating their own world and on the other side, parents are growing old and start becoming dependents. Creating a balance while being sandwiched between the two widely different generations'changing needs and demands while being pushed by an equally anxious and turbulent spouse can create immensepsychological pressure.

All these factors together create a crisis like situation in many. It makes people ask existential questions like - Who am I?What is life all about? What is my purpose of being here?Many bring major life style changes in a bid to cope with it all. There are two roads from this point - one is the road of positive growth built with awareness, learning and action.Those who choose this path have hope and faith, and are able to deal with situations with more stability of emotions. They bring positive changes in their lives by working consistently in that direction. The other road is of negative growth. On this road, people experience insecurity, comparisons, bitterness, anger, hurt, defeat, fear and judgements. To get rid of the negative emotions, some start to seek the happiness in drugs, outside relations, parties, binge-eating, excessive physical workouts, and/or religious rituals. They identify themselves with these behaviours and attach their worth with it. However, these being short-lived pleasures can further enhance thefeelings of emptiness and worthlessness in their inner world while causing physical ailments, financial burden and broken relations in the outer world. It not controlled in time, it can make them fall in the ditch of mental health problems.

 

How to cope

Self awareness is the key to transformation. Being aware of the turbulent feelings inside yourself, and knowing the underlying reasons goes a long way in attaining stability. The undermentioned points can help in creating self awareness and understanding of the issue.

1. You are not alone. Knowing that you are not alone helps in normalising the feelings. Almost everyone in this age bracket goes through almost similar feelings; some just learn how to cope with it better than others.

2. Be self aware. Be aware of your particular problem, your response towards it and evaluate how can you create a more healthy and useful response. Most of our woes are self perceived or self inflicted. We are all susceptible to outside influence and personal biases. Without self-awareness, we are even more susceptible. Being self-aware and practicing daily reflection and introspection allows each of us the opportunity to find what we really want out of this precious life.

3. Accept yourself with more compassion. Pay attention to what you did right rather than what you did wrong. Focus on your strengths rather than shortcomings. Be appreciative of the things you have rather than cribbing about the things you don't have. 

4. Forgive. Pardon yourself and others for all the wrong decisions/choices made and all the wrong actions done knowingly or unknowingly. Everyone does the best in a given situation. Forgiveness means different things to different people. Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting or excusing the harm done to you or making up with the person who caused the harm. It simply involves a decision to let go of resentment, bitterness, guilt and/or thoughts of revenge. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.

5. Keep happy company. Surround yourself with happy and positive people who can contribute towards your positive growth. Have enjoyable moments with friends and family. Happiness is contagious; so is melancholy. Do not let others pass their negativity on to you. Avoid all-time grumpy people if you have to, unless you are capable of uplifting them as well.

7. Absorb positive content. Read self-help books and inspiring stories. Watch positive videos. We are made up of the information we take in. Repetition  of any information builds our habits and programs the subconscious mind.

8. Watch your inner dialogue. Human mind, whether consciously or unconsciously, is always engaged in some inner dialogue. What you tell yourself decides how you feel. Do regular practice of replacing negative self-talk with positive one.

9. Slowdown. There's no hurry to reach anywhere. All your life, you've been rushing. You've earned yourself the right to take a break. Exploit patience and experience which comes with age to deal with so-called emergent/critical/tubulent situations with a cool level head and chilled out attitude. 

11. Adopt healthy lifestyle. Work on your body with moderate exercise, healthy eating and sound sleep. These three things, if balanced, will work wonders on your happiness quotient. 

12. Indulge in hobbies that bring a smile on your face. It works even better if you share a hobby with a friend, spouse, parent and/or child(ren). Pursuing a shared hobby with a loved one can create magical moments and strong bonding for the participants.

13. Meditate. Meditation has been proven to reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression, and to increase self-awareness and promotes better physical health as well. And no! you don’t need to put on yoga pants, light some incense, and start chanting while sitting in lotus position, if you don't want to. Mindfulness is a form of meditation and is simply the act of becoming aware of your thoughts with an attitude of curiosity and acceptance. A human mind is a wandering mind, and a wandering mind is an unhappy mind. All forms of meditation help in controlling the wandering mind. According to a study from Harvard University, people report being  happiest while their mind is not  wandering from what they are doing.

14. Practice gratitude. Everyone has a number of things to be thankful for. Have a look at the less privileged ones occasionally, if that helps in recognising your own blessings.Gratitude has multiple proven benefits - from physical as well as psychological health benefits to better relationships and enhanced mental strength & self esteem.

 

Wrapping it up

The beginning of all our lives are as if we have been shot out of a cannon. The moment never seems to slow down as we stumble through gaining an education, making friends, choosing a career, committing to a significant other and bringing the moon & stars for her, having children and then raising them as best we can. Middle-age is the first time in our lives that we pause for a moment to reflect. The midlife crisis doesn’t have to be a crisis at all but a chance for you to take control and make different choices in your life - choices that you couldn't make while rushing through your earlier life. 

Longstanding beliefs say the adult brain is best in its youth, but research now suggests otherwise. The middle-aged mind preserves many of its youthful skills and even develops some new strengths. It's up to us to make the best of this age bracket where we have a beautiful balance of skills, knowledge, youthful enthusiasm, and patience & wisdom that comes with age & varied experiences. So let's forget just the blues and paint it colorful in the midlife!